Transitioning Back

People with ADHD tend to have a much harder time transitioning back to "regular" daily life after a trip or other interruption, such as holidays. I'm reminded of this today as I sit down to write and can't remember a whole bunch of stuff about the writing process like:

  • what was I going to write about next
  • how does it usually work when I write?
  • What is my underlying motivation for writing?

I can find my way back with breadcrumbs I've left for myself, like drafts of posts, and that sort of thing. And by simply sitting with it. I've also grown more "skilled" at just letting go the things I've forgotten. For example, if I had some extraneous ideas for topics that I've written down, or even started to work on, they may not engage me right now, or they might feel stale. And if they came up and fled my mind before I could (or did) capture them, that's ok. That used to not be ok with me. I felt like I had a lost pieces of myself, and I felt disoriented. What do I know now that's different?

  • I always have more ideas. I am not the sum of my ideas; Perhaps to know me is to know my rhythm of idea-generation as much as the ideas themselves.
  • I feel more disoriented when I try to hang onto or latch onto my thoughts, than when I orient myself in the present. I think that the more I used to be in my head, the more that felt like the only place I could figure out what was important to me and what I was about at a given moment. Now, I know that when I'm in my head I feel stuck out of touch with what's going on with me and in the world. So, the more I dig around in my thoughts to figure out what's up or what's important, the worse off I am.
  • I will find my way back to what's important. I don't need to think my way there.

Why was it so hard to get to this place? I think because we (or at least I) come from a culture that tells us that to get to know ourselves, we must reflect. We must introspect. But when you can see every idea and every action from every angle, that really doesn't get you to any end point. It is simply an activity in itself, and one that I, for one, tend to flounder in.