ADD Mom Leaves for Half an Hour
This morning was daddy morning. I have clients at 10:00, but before that, I have time to do my own work. (Before that? You mean I function before 10:00am? I do now, thanks to baby!) I woke up dreaming of going to the nearby coffee shop to write a blog post. The main point here is to have my body in a location away from the baby’s.
Mind you, part of me wanted to stay and watch daddy feed baby pears, the pathetic and wonderful of it being that I didn’t want to leave the baby for my 45 measly minutes. That mommy-side aside, I wanted some time to myself. So I’m currently sitting with my coffee and laptop, a five-minute drive from the house, counting down the minutes until I have to get back in the car and speed home to have any hope of nursing G. before my next client. Fourteen. Fourteen minutes at the moment (ok, I’ve already ordered and sat down with a frothy cappucino, opened the laptop, put some headphones on, checked and noted the lack of new e-mail.) And if I pause for a moment, it’s long enough to notice that I’m here, on my own! Weeee! Mommy’s 45 minutes out!
For those of you who don’t have kids, I describe the feeling like this:
you know when you’re a teenager in absolute love/lust/obsession, the object of said emotion is constantly in your mind, and always feels like they’re with you physically, a monkey you’re glad to have on your back? The monkey isn’t gone until after you break up, plus a bit of break-up mourning, and finally you’ve got your own skin back, no one clutching on,
checking you for nits, giving weight to every breath?
That’s what it feels like with baby. I only notice my body being my own when I leave for a while. I don’t break up, and it’s only a few minutes at a time…(now I have 8 minutes). Here’s what I have to do to get out of the house for my 45 minutes:
Wake up. Pry myself out of bed even though there’s another adult to respond to baby’s needs. Nurse the baby. Shower. Tell Daddy he’s going to change the baby and get him dressed. Find some
clean clothing that serves to cover my naked body. Ignore the fact that the baby wants some attention. Pump some milk for baby for while I’m gone. Feel like it would be easier just to stay home with all this effort! Make some breakfast. Make clear that I’m not the one feeding baby pears (convincing myself and reminding my husband). Extricate my wallet and such niceties from the diaper bag and discover where we have another bag that isn’t a diaper bag. Feed myself something. Hang out while daddy takes the trash out because baby needs somebody there and I haven’t left yet. Figure out how much time I have… that wasn’t so bad, and maybe easier than without the baby because then I didn’t have so much reason to kick myself out for the precious few minutes. Feel like it’s easier just to stay home! Remember I still should nurse the baby before my client appointments; recalculate time. Feel like staying to watch baby eat and chat with husband. Misplace shoes but ignore that because who cares if you have the shoes you want when you have only a few minutes…
Time remaining: 1 minute. I haven’t even finished the foam at the bottom of my cappucino cup. I did write this blog post… gotta run,.