Somebody asked me this today:
How long does it take before it gets easier- after being diagnosed with ADD?
I hadn’t thought about this in a a long time, then I remembered what
I had been told. When I was evaluated and diagnosed with ADD, the
psychologist told me it would take two years before I even knew who I
was. It would take two years to get to know myself.
The first key was learning about ADD. The second key was starting
medication for ADD- and I mean specific medication for ADD, in other
words stimulants, in this case starting with Ritalin.
I think taking
meds for me has been the closest I can imagine to coming to an
experience of faith or spirituality. What I mean is this: none of the
thinking, doubt, reasoning, or ideas about medication actually say a
thing about the experience. And I’m not talking about a drug-induced
mind-opening experience. I’m talking about experiencing who I am.
Medication quieted my thinking- enough to do some vital things: I
started to notice what I was feeling, and to notice what I was thinking
about. It always went so fast that my feelings and thoughts were gone
before I knew them. I’d try to grasp them, because I knew I felt
certain ways about things, but I only knew that intellectually;
intentionally experiencing them was like grasping water. That’s not to
say I wasn’t ever overwhelmed by my feelings; they could also overtake
me like a huge wave that completely disoriented me. I wasn’t feeling
them in that scenario either; I was drowning.
Now I could step back mentally and note my feeling, and note what I
was focusing on. I didn’t have to grab on so hard to what I thought I
was, I could just be. Since then I have come to peace with the fact
that I can hold no judgment about meds- right/wrong/good/bad. They just
are what allows me to be who I am best.