Errands or Guests? how not to decide anything.
From the last post:
When my thinking hijacks my experience, I don't buy into it. I notice
it, step back from it as best I can, consider myself hijacked if I
can't get out of it and down to earth, and wait it out. I like to think
I experience the whole thing less nowadays as a result, but that when
it springs up, it doesn't feel like a comment on my identity, nor some
dialog I need to be obsessively involved in.
That's good because the hijacking has happened recently. Another thing that is different is that I can pinpoint- or guess- physical causes, which helps me minimize the importance of the mental crap. In this case it's easy. I'm very pregnant, so I've got hormones, hormonal idiocy, and extreme fatigue going on. It is interesting to watch how my cognitive functioning fluctuates through the whole process I should say.
Lately I'm foggier than I was earlier in pregnancy, and I've also been having moments where I can't make up my mind. Should I do an errand with my kid or invite people over? Which is easier? And then I start imagining each one, going to Target in my mind's eye like some athlete visualizing a race, in a very dead-ended way because it doesn't help with anything.
Luckily that doesn't tie me up for hours most of the time that that happens (which is increasingly rare). I don't have to sit for hours grappling with this mind-bendingly important decision (sarcasm, I hope you realize.) Even if it keeps going on in my head… I don't buy that it matters. I look for a way out, some way of deciding, because obviously my decider is currently offline, like getting someone else to decide (if they wanna come visit or meet up somewhere, I let that decide for me. or I can tell them I can't decide as long as they don't try to reason it out with me!
If that doesn't work, I can just let it go. Sometimes, anyway, which is better than before. I can switch on the tv. Or just decide that obviously my switchboard went to Tahiti and I'm staying home. And find something to occupy me other than arguing with myself.