Uninterruped Parenting Part 2 – Coping strategies
I left off last time by saying, "I feel fortunate that not only can I handle more than I thought, but
to know what it looks like when it gets to be much. " I'd like to add that perhaps most
crucially, I know that I can handle that too. Some of the ways I handle
that include:
- When I start to feel mad, like mad that the little one is still
awake and not cooperatively slumbering, I can put him in the crib, leave
the room, and call someone. And not be mad at myself for feeling the way I do. - Just knowing it's okay to feed frustrated, annoyed, or downright mad, and to identify those feelings makes me less anxious, and more able to plan around my own self-care needs, even in little ways..
- Connecting. It's hard to connect when you're exhausted and too
exhausted to great lengths (or minor effort) to see people or call
people. But even telling people via email, text, voicemail, or facebook-
just reporting it, can make it feel a bit smaller. Even if it makes you feel a little whiny. - Making it as easy as possible: the playground that's fenced in and I can sit on my butt on a bench. A moment of dumb tv for me or the kids. Out for pizza somewhere that my son is entertained by traffic (ie outside seating on a busy street). Doing whatever activity feels easiest.
- Being easier on myself. I don't always have to do the coolest stuff with them. I don't always have to feel great about hanging out with them. I don't always have to cook from scratch. Being lazy sometimes can make me a better functioning, aka better, parent.
Finally, I'd like you all to know that there are people who will listen if you are overwhelmed as a parent. One I keep on my fridge is this:
Parental Stress Hotline: 1-800-632-8188.
I find that knowing these folks are there is calming and comforting even though I've never needed them. And if you do, no one would ever know. But having the information is a way of taking care of yourself, your kids, and feeling a bit more in charge.
Next time: How dealing with my house changes when I am with my kids nonstop.
Aug 20, 2010 @ 06:53:48
Boy…us parents really beat ourselves up especially when we compare ourselves to those “other” parents. Even though my kids are much older (15 & 19 years old) it seems that the demands have actually increased. No more “here…watch the TV for awhile while I veg out in the kitchen.”
I think the difficulty in raising kids (FYI…I was Mr. Mom…I was home with the kids while my wife worked full time) is that we don’t always see that many of the frustrations are just a result of raising kids and NOT necessarily a result of the ADHD. The ADHD exacerbates it…but it is not necessarily the root cause. And ADHD or not, parents are ALLOWED to have some down time too as you have already noted.
One more thing. Shouldn’t the parental hotline number be something more memorable like, 1-800-Strangle-My-Kid?
Feb 17, 2011 @ 14:32:16
Love this statement from your post:
“I would like you to stop fighting to be better at something that isn’t your strength.
You’ll have more energy to use for good.”
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This speaks DIRECTLY to me. I’ve spent 20 years in the I.T. field and struggled the entire time. Although I like technical work, and there is a little bit of prestige still left in this area, it is a struggle staying up to date on new tech every day, esp with ADD. The detail work i love, but felt for years that overall, i’m trying to put a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn’t fit, but have done it so long it is all i know.
After months of soul-searching and trying to find a new, different, exciting job in the tech field… finally admitted my current occupation does not come easy to me. My natural strengths lie in more nurturing roles, and they’re being wasted by continuing to bang my head against a brick wall, probably all bc of the money. Or – does ADD feel this way with ALL jobs and i just don’t realize it yet ?
Your statement makes me feel freed from the chains though, that i myself have created. Staying in a career that pays great money — but i spend all the money trying to buy happiness. Following my natural gifts to pursue a new career is tough, but believe any cut in salary will be worth feeling good and valuable and effective in life !
Thanks so much for your inspiration! Your words hit me at a time when most needed, as I keep looking into college options for a new direction in life. But need guidance on where to be most effective and happy. How do we find that part out ? Have been spinning for months trying to figure this out, with no plain answer in sight.
-A Very Overwhelmed Geek Chick in NC